I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
