apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
