he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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