Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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