dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
