Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
