youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
