He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Less talking, more tequila
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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