Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
