Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I could make wine with my vomit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
