You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
