Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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