Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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