I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
