some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
