ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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