hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
