Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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