I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
