we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
