Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
