im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
