I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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