I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
