I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
