Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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