somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
