jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
