I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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