so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
