I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
