if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
