Me too!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
