I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
last night I used snow as a chaser
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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