my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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