Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
