You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
