if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
