Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
