my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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