I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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