How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
