Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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