just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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