Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
