Your tits are I can't wait for
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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