We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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