I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
