laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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