he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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