Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
