omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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