Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
