Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
